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Re: Stupid things you've done

johnnyspex replying to BlueStorm
16:53, Thursday 12 October 2017
No mate was just dermatitis
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Micky Darrell replying to Magna 1,000,000
17:29, Thursday 12 October 2017
Six of us went on a walking holiday. We were all well kitted out, waterproofs, boots, maps and compass, all very professional like. We spent the last hour of our train journey pouring over the Ordinance survey map making plans, compass bearings etc.

We arrived at the train station, got off….…:D:D sorry , it still makes me laugh… and we couldn’t find our way out of the station. We ended up trapped in a car park.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

scouty replying to Micky Darrell
17:51, Thursday 12 October 2017
I was once walking along a wall in a park. I jumped to bridge a gap in the wall and kicked a mentally disabled teen in the head who was walking into the park. I fell, hit my groin on the opposite wall, and collapsed unable to speak while the traumatised boy was shouting (in the way a deaf person speaks) "what the feck you do that for??"
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Re: Stupid things you've done

oswestryblue replying to johnnyspex
18:55, Thursday 12 October 2017
Sorry Johnny but pissing myself now you should write that book keep them coming mate :D
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Bluesince62 replying to johnnyspex
21:05, Thursday 12 October 2017
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johnnyspex
No mate was just dermatitis

Somehow - that makes it even funnier! FFS! :D
Thanks for keeping us up, Harry.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Maxine Collins replying to johnnyspex
21:06, Thursday 12 October 2017
**

Johnnyspex = legend.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Mad Blue replying to JohnP
21:25, Thursday 12 October 2017
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JohnP
Went to Mass with my wife's family in Dublin, I'm not a regular churchgoer, there is a bit where everyone shakes hands with people near them and gives them a cheery greeting. Afterwards I realise that I was saying 'pleased to meet you' instead of 'peace be with you'. My wife's family think I'm strange and this was more confirmation.

I went to a funeral, I did not know many people and at the reception, wake or whatever they call it. I decided to get pissed. A priest came up and spoke to me. I thought feck that piss off. He asked me how often I went to mass. This was in Buckinghamshire so I assumed he would not know who Blues were so I told him Birmingham city often play on Sunday and I have to always attend as I am a Zulu Warrior and as a trained fighter and a man of violence my loyalties lie elsewhere. He had been a priest in Birmingham and his knowledge of Blues would put many on here to shame.
The truth is like Poetry but no one likes Poetry.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Inspector Montalbano replying to johnnyspex
22:26, Thursday 12 October 2017
That's awesome Johnny, I remember knocking doors a few years ago and asked a young lady if I could pop to her loo...... dropped the kids off and thanked her..... I had to make a very hasty exit before the brown fog choked me.
Deo Volente
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Re: Stupid things you've done

European Bob replying to Inspector Montalbano
22:48, Thursday 12 October 2017
i pressed the wrong code while using the vending machine at the gym and ended up with some caffeine powder rather than Lucozade. Thought feck it I might as well use it and tipped the lot in my drink.

Started on treadmill and started to feel really weird so looked on the pack and I'd basically had way too much. Went back to the changing room to sit down and calm myself down as my heart was racing and I was sweating uncontrollably.

Started to feel better so got up to have a piss and as I pissing started to go all light headed. Next thing I know I woke up on the floor covered in piss, with a bloody nose, and with my cock out. No idea how long I was there but luckily no one found me (or did and chose to ignore me).
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Re: Stupid things you've done

StechyBlue replying to European Bob
23:16, Thursday 12 October 2017
I went to the gym not so long back on leg day with a dodgy stomach. I'd felt something bubbling all day but had previously used the loo at work so I thought I was in the clear. Got to the gym, spent 10 mins on the treadmill, walked over to the squat rack, done a few warm ups with no weights and felt ok.

Stuck a couple of 20s on each side, lifted the bar off the rack, dropped down to squat and on the first rep I felt my ass twinge and this hot injection exit my ass. Unsure what had happened at this point I thought i better sort myself out.

I bust another few half squats to style it out and put the bar back. Walked into the toilet wacked my shorts down to see the damage and empty my bowel, i bent over about to sit on the loo, at this point I felt my stomach decompress and farted so loud and wet the bloke who had since came in to take a piss in the urinals was giggling to himself. I turned around and I had basically frosted the entire back of the ceramic and the wall. It looked like a sniper assassination had taken place.

The smell was enough to stop a charging rhino, it was like putrid egg. I'm still cracking the odd fart off at this point as my stomach is making all kinds of curdling noises, bent over with my shorts round my ankles, shit up the wall, clenching my cheeks with maximum effort trying to be as quiet as possible. I then heard someone else come in and immediately complained that it smelled like something had its throat cut.

At this point The guy 2 foot away from my cubicle at the urinals has fully burst out into laughter to himself at the sound of my farts bellowing, he must have been wondering what the feck was going on in there.

Needless to say I wiped myself down, cleaned up as best I could and fecked off home; it still looked like a half finished curry plate.

Leg day no longer coincides with a bad stomach.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

macca salop blue replying to 3asygroove
23:38, Thursday 12 October 2017
1983 we'd just beat Coventry away . Les Phillips in the last minute. As we're pulling up at New street there's a load of man utd fans on the opposite platform they'd just beat arsenal in fa cup semi at villa park. So me along with other blues fans are giving it large to the man utd fans. Standing as close as we could to the edge of the platform abusing them. Anyway as I went to make my way up to the top to find which platform I needed to go to make my way home I discovered to my horror it was the same platform as the man utd fans who I'd just abused! Luckily I wasn't wearing any colours so I bought an Argus and tried to hide my face standing up on the packed train in case I got recognised. Fortunately I got away with it and got off at Wolverhampton without being spotted.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Joe1875 replying to Thongs
00:00, Friday 13 October 2017
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Thongs
I allowed Rowett too much time.

Time to let go Thongs, he's been gone a long time now.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Hamstrung Harry replying to 3asygroove
00:18, Friday 13 October 2017
Reading all these posts!!
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Gary Pernice replying to johnnyspex
12:40, Friday 13 October 2017
Thanks I just spat coffee over my screen
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Re: Stupid things you've done

bluefrank replying to Real Adebola Bloke
13:24, Friday 13 October 2017
You know the classic cartoon bullshit of standing firmly on the head of a rake, so the handle flies upwards and hits you in the face and you stand there, Tom and Jerry-style, your head wobbling like a just-struck bell?

I have actually done that.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

ottomatic replying to StechyBlue
14:35, Friday 13 October 2017
This was outstanding.

I've had an upset stomach since eating some fried chicken from the e-coli box at the local spar yesterday.

A part of me wishes that I had actually shat myself due to losing muscle control while reading about you crapping yourself.
It would have been an apt contribution to the thread.
Fortunately I was able to limit the expulsion to several unpleasant farts. Entirely due to luck, not skill.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

B.A - Jota is sex replying to Real Adebola Bloke
15:16, Friday 13 October 2017
Continually renewed my season ticket and spent 000's on Blues
Even Gabby, the premier league's first disabled footballer, doesn't want to play for you any more.
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