22:17, Fri 31 Jul
I'm in a pub in Yorkshire and drunk man was speaking to his girlfriend and he said:

"I'm not God but I'm just as good"

Had me in hysterics 😂

What quotes do you guys like?
22:35, Fri 31 Jul
I've just got back from the pub - bit of food and only a couple of pints, baby steps after all...and a lad (socially distant) in front of me was titling about at the bar, trying to give the barmaid the benefit of his chat up lines and charms, in the end she lost patience and said 'stop effing about, I've got customers waiting here...'

She'll do fer me Tom...
22:39, Fri 31 Jul
I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.

Brian Clough
22:46, Fri 31 Jul
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

Brendan Behan
22:51, Fri 31 Jul
'Most people are walking around, umbilical cord in hand, looking for a new place to plug it in.' Cavett Robert

'Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.' David Lee Roth

'Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.' George Burns
22:54, Fri 31 Jul
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong
22:55, Fri 31 Jul
All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
23:26, Fri 31 Jul
Never ever mistake kindness for weakness!!
23:30, Fri 31 Jul
If we’d a kept a clean sheet tonight, we’d have won 1-0.

Steve Cotterill
23:47, Fri 31 Jul
"I've kind of realised that you can't really shag your way out of a dark hole. But you can have a brilliant time trying"

Me, 2012.
03:02, Sat 1 Aug
Excuse me mate, can you tell me the quickest way to get to the hospital ?

Yeah, call me a fat (_nt

Chubby Brown
06:46, Sat 1 Aug
Spike Milligan's epitaph.

"I told you I was ill."
07:38, Sat 1 Aug
Rome wasn't built in a day .....I wasn't on that job !
08:23, Sat 1 Aug
One from the terraces: Blues are to football what Washington Red Skins are to cricket.
08:54, Sat 1 Aug
Genuinely overheard on a Dublin tram as it was going past an area called The Generator (sort of a hipsteryfied area) - Guy to his daughter - "Your uncle used to live up there, bought his house for nothing, when they started to do that place up he sold it for 10 times what he paid, made a fortune" - errrmm 10 x 0 = 0......I wasn't the only one on the tram that smiled at that.