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Stupid things you've done

Real Adebola Bloke
08:18, Thursday 12 October 2017
I don't mean like moved to the wrong part of the country or married a destructive woman or married any man, just simple bimbo ish things?

I worked in a pub and spent quite a few minutes trying to swipe the till with my staff card.

Problem is I was using a 10 pound note
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Pearly Dewdrops replying to Real Adebola Bloke
08:23, Thursday 12 October 2017
Decided at a very early age to support this shower.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Thongs replying to Real Adebola Bloke
08:31, Thursday 12 October 2017
I allowed Rowett too much time.
This post is paid for by Small Heath Alliance

Never EVER forget!

[www.smallheathalliance.com]
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Rail replying to Real Adebola Bloke
08:36, Thursday 12 October 2017
Drove into a car park with a bike mounted on the roof, forgetting there was an overhead height barrier.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Darren Purse replying to Real Adebola Bloke
08:36, Thursday 12 October 2017
Bought a pie at an away game last year.

Paid for it and walked away without the pie, realised about twenty minutes later.

The girl behind the till was very impressed with my new level of stupidity when I returned.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

DES replying to Darren Purse
09:14, Thursday 12 October 2017
Took directions once off a women ( sexist I know) I was driving a maximum size artic, turned into a country lane that turned into a walkway a mile fiurther along it, as a newbie truck driver trying to reverse up there in the dark taught me a great lesson!
Plan your route before you start!
Kro
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Magna 1,000,000 replying to Darren Purse
09:17, Thursday 12 October 2017
I sneezed while holding and reminiscing over a childhood football trophy and got the guys hand stuck in my eye and it made me half blind in my right eye.

I regularly hit my head on things. Monday night i bent down to get something out the cupboard and hit my head on the counter. I opened my house gate on Saturday which is a pull door, i pulled the door but my brain said i was pushing it and stepped forward as i pulled and smashed the gate on my head. 2 weeks ago i opened an overhead kitchen cupboard right into my head.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Magna 1,000,000 replying to Magna 1,000,000
09:21, Thursday 12 October 2017
I was in Solihull a few years back visiting people, a woman stopped me to ask for directions to the "BUPA village". Brain dead moment i gave her directions, i sent her off down the warwick road past Olton maccies turn right at the fork and go past the sainsburys and aldi and your there.

I walked away and thought to myself "wait, i have no idea what the BUPA village is, where the feck have i just sent her?!" then i realise i'd sent her to Acocks Green Village and walking back down the lode lane later that day i walked past BUPA hospital which is what i can assume she had meant when asking.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

notts_blue replying to Magna 1,000,000
09:24, Thursday 12 October 2017
:D
Magna on Cotteril -
Appoint 2 guys who turn the team around in 3 games - Appoint the 1 of them and remove the other Lose 6 in a row - Sack him and appoint the other.
It is basically the story of every teenage boys love life.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Shanghaiblue replying to Real Adebola Bloke
09:48, Thursday 12 October 2017
At my brother's wedding up in small Yorkshire village. Standing outside a pub with friends supping a pint and asking a local "scuse me mate could you tell us where the Gnu pub is?" cue confused look from the local..."errr you're at it" pointing to the big Gnu sign above our heads. Thus reinforcing the thick Brummie stereotype. And there was only two pubs in the village.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Magna 1,000,000 replying to Shanghaiblue
09:56, Thursday 12 October 2017
I worked for an engineering company in the midlands a while back. I had to go and speak to a woman and i was told as a "warning" that the woman was in fact a man that had just transitioned to woman.

I went in to the office and saw what looked very clearly like a man in drag and asked if they were XXX, only to be stopped and pointed to who the real transgender was , he looked like the character phil collins out of trailer park boys with a huge moustache and nothing ladylike except wearing a skirt beneath the desk.

Turns out the woman in drag lookalike was a genuine woman, poor woman.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

JohnP replying to Real Adebola Bloke
10:03, Thursday 12 October 2017
Went to Mass with my wife's family in Dublin, I'm not a regular churchgoer, there is a bit where everyone shakes hands with people near them and gives them a cheery greeting. Afterwards I realise that I was saying 'pleased to meet you' instead of 'peace be with you'. My wife's family think I'm strange and this was more confirmation.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Shirley Blue replying to JohnP
10:09, Thursday 12 October 2017
Quote
JohnP
Went to Mass with my wife's family in Dublin, I'm not a regular churchgoer, there is a bit where everyone shakes hands with people near them and gives them a cheery greeting. Afterwards I realise that I was saying 'pleased to meet you' instead of 'peace be with you'. My wife's family think I'm strange and this was more confirmation.

We had to do this when attending church pre-wedding... I think the "peace be with you" to strangers act is stranger than not knowing what to do!
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Re: Stupid things you've done

StechyBlue replying to notts_blue
10:11, Thursday 12 October 2017
I was told this bloke at work was a Dr. So a few weeks went past as i bumped into this guy and spent 10 mins explaining to him this patch on my arm has been there for ages.....
Realised he was a Dr of History.

Doctorate!
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Re: Stupid things you've done

The Birmingham Glacier Shift replying to Magna 1,000,000
10:15, Thursday 12 October 2017
Transitioned :D
Only at Blues.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Bluewurst replying to The Birmingham Glacier Shift
10:42, Thursday 12 October 2017
When skint, decided to hitch hike to our away game against Swansea

Travelled on bus from Castle Vale to Frankley (which was a mission in itself) including walking across fields to Frankley services on M5.

Waited hours with no luck thumbing a lift on services exit with my sign for Swansea.

I think it was a night game in the winter, bloody freezing, dark, and wet.

When it became apparent I wasn’t going to get there in time (it was gone 6), decided to give it up as a bad job.

Went into petrol station for a piss and a pack of fags, shivering.

Bloke behind the counter...

“Didn’t think you were going to get a lift mate”

“Why not” says I

“This is the Northbound side mate”
@Bluewurst1875
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Slightly Turbid replying to Bluewurst
10:48, Thursday 12 October 2017
My ex!

She genuinely thought water polo was played with horses!!!
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Re: Stupid things you've done

notts_blue replying to Bluewurst
11:09, Thursday 12 October 2017
:D thumbs up
Magna on Cotteril -
Appoint 2 guys who turn the team around in 3 games - Appoint the 1 of them and remove the other Lose 6 in a row - Sack him and appoint the other.
It is basically the story of every teenage boys love life.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

STD replying to Real Adebola Bloke
11:27, Thursday 12 October 2017
I stood a petrol pump the other day waiting for it to be authorised for fuel for about 2 minutes. was getting pissed off and the realised that I hadn't pressed the pay at pump or kiosk option
Moist
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Re: Stupid things you've done

johnnyspex replying to Real Adebola Bloke
12:27, Thursday 12 October 2017
How long have you got?

When they built a new Asda in Tamworth I thought I'd do a bit of evening shopping. I had half a trolley full of food before a shelf stacker came and told me they didn't start trading until Friday.

I once got caught short while working around Ironbridge and desperately needed to sh1t. I was near the woods and thought I would do it behind a tree but got disturbed so decided to just climb in the back of my van and do it in an old cardboard box. This wasn't my usual van but a hire one as mine was in the garage. I pulled the doors to and did my business, what I didn't realize was there was no way of opening them from the inside.I had no choice but to ring my boss to come and let me out.
When he got there he opened the door and said "f#ck me it smells like something died in there". I didn't tell him, he just wouldn't have found it funny.

When I first met my Mrs I didn't have the heart to plow her field because I'd noticed I'd got a rash on my old fella. I confided in her and she made me go the docs who in turn sent me to the STD clinic which was in Burton at the time. This was getting on nearly 30 yes ago and neither of us drove so we got on the rattler.
After arriving I left my Mrs in the waiting room and went and had the old umbrella down my Japs eye followed by a blood test. I was then given a cardboard bottle thing for a urine sample and directed to a toilet cubicle in the corridor facing the waiting room. I begin filling the bottle and I'm starting think I might need another bottle. Next thing I know I can hear my name being called and asking if I'm ok? I'm on the floor slumped against the door covered in p155 and I've cut my head. I'm dazed and confused but manage to get to my feet and open the door the nurse and receptionist put me in a wheelchair and start cleaning my head.
Everyone in the waiting room is rubbernecking to see what's going on or at least that's what I assumed until my Mrs came over to tell me to put my cock back in my jeans. We had to go home on the train with me stinking of pi55 and We've been together ever since. My Mrs thinks I should have the theme to some mother's do have em following me round.

Honestly I could write a book.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

number8 replying to johnnyspex
12:29, Thursday 12 October 2017
Jesus man :D
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Thongs
Number8 is the worlds best forum poster. FACT. End of chat.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Le Mod replying to johnnyspex
12:38, Thursday 12 October 2017
Laughing out loud here
@LeMod1875
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Spike replying to Real Adebola Bloke
12:39, Thursday 12 October 2017
Years ago, my boss told me to take his really expensive car and run it through the carwash for him because he was taking some important clients out for lunch.

So I sat in the carwash and watched the brushes going over the bonnet and up the windscreen. I then looked in the mirror and realised to my horror that I had left his aerial up - I had terrible visions of handing the car back with the aerial ripped off. So in a panic I jumped out of the car in the middle of the carwash, slotted the aerial down - and then had to wait for the wash cycle to finish before I could get back - soaking wet, into the car.

That's not the stupidest part.

I then realised too late that the aerial was automatic and if I had just switched the radio off it would have gone down by itself.

In fairness I was very young. But in all honestly it was extremely dense.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

GingerBen replying to Real Adebola Bloke
13:15, Thursday 12 October 2017
I was fitting a window frame years ago when the guy who’s house it was made a comment about how fit this blonde bird who was walking by was. Me and my mate both mentioned that we definitely would and the bloke commented that there were quite a few nice women in the area. Few minutes later I spot a pig ugly woman walking up the road and I said “now there’s one I certainly wouldn’t she’s got a face like a stunt mans knee” the guy gave me a look that could kill and said “that’s my wife!” She the walked into the house offering us tea and biscuits. I’ve never felt so awkward in my life and I fitted that window in record time!
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Re: Stupid things you've done

CeredigiBlue replying to johnnyspex
14:58, Thursday 12 October 2017
This actually had me laughing out loud. Feck me
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Oldham replying to johnnyspex
15:05, Thursday 12 October 2017
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johnnyspex
How long have you got?

When they built a new Asda in Tamworth I thought I'd do a bit of evening shopping. I had half a trolley full of food before a shelf stacker came and told me they didn't start trading until Friday.

I once got caught short while working around Ironbridge and desperately needed to sh1t. I was near the woods and thought I would do it behind a tree but got disturbed so decided to just climb in the back of my van and do it in an old cardboard box. This wasn't my usual van but a hire one as mine was in the garage. I pulled the doors to and did my business, what I didn't realize was there was no way of opening them from the inside.I had no choice but to ring my boss to come and let me out.
When he got there he opened the door and said "f#ck me it smells like something died in there". I didn't tell him, he just wouldn't have found it funny.

When I first met my Mrs I didn't have the heart to plow her field because I'd noticed I'd got a rash on my old fella. I confided in her and she made me go the docs who in turn sent me to the STD clinic which was in Burton at the time. This was getting on nearly 30 yes ago and neither of us drove so we got on the rattler.
After arriving I left my Mrs in the waiting room and went and had the old umbrella down my Japs eye followed by a blood test. I was then given a cardboard bottle thing for a urine sample and directed to a toilet cubicle in the corridor facing the waiting room. I begin filling the bottle and I'm starting think I might need another bottle. Next thing I know I can hear my name being called and asking if I'm ok? I'm on the floor slumped against the door covered in p155 and I've cut my head. I'm dazed and confused but manage to get to my feet and open the door the nurse and receptionist put me in a wheelchair and start cleaning my head.
Everyone in the waiting room is rubbernecking to see what's going on or at least that's what I assumed until my Mrs came over to tell me to put my cock back in my jeans. We had to go home on the train with me stinking of pi55 and We've been together ever since. My Mrs thinks I should have the theme to some mother's do have em following me round.

Honestly I could write a book.

Actually Lolling at these. One of my favourite posts ever
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Re: Stupid things you've done

BlueStorm replying to johnnyspex
15:27, Thursday 12 October 2017
Did you have the clap?

#unfinishedstory
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Re: Stupid things you've done

cowinbovril replying to Spike
16:19, Thursday 12 October 2017
Many moons ago, before we got married, me and my wife-to-be moved into a house in Pype Hayes. The day after we moved in, she told me she had missed her period, so, both worried (and of Catholic parents who would not have approved) we looked at her pregnancy test kit for the dreaded black line.

The test was inconclusive (is that a line?,can't tell) so I said that we should get ourselves over to the doctors that afternoon ( I'd noticed there was a 'surgery' sign across the road when we'd moved in the previous day).

So, there we were queuing up outside the surgery, standing in silence and wrapped up in our own thoughts about how a baby would have a terrible effect on our life prospects at that stage of our lives.

After what seemed like an age, I looked up and noticed that everyone around us had either wicker baskets with cats or rabbits in them or dogs on leads.




The surgery was a vets.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

Dr Tam, Genius Zillionaire and Fantasist replying to JohnP
16:24, Thursday 12 October 2017
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JohnP
Went to Mass with my wife's family in Dublin, I'm not a regular churchgoer, there is a bit where everyone shakes hands with people near them and gives them a cheery greeting. Afterwards I realise that I was saying 'pleased to meet you' instead of 'peace be with you'. My wife's family think I'm strange and this was more confirmation.

:D That's great.
You know what? I think I'd quite like to sit near Miguel.
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Re: Stupid things you've done

3asygroove replying to Dr Tam, Genius Zillionaire and Fantasist
16:31, Thursday 12 October 2017
steamed into a firm of west ham,fell over a traffic cone and banged my head on the floor,divs still ran.
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