Rags
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I saw your message Bob ... sending hugs.
For clarity - i have a very good life and am very very happy based on where i was 4 years ago.
It's purely large groups and situations when i can't be sure of peoples' actions around me that i've still to conquer - but i'll get there. Generally speaking, places where there is "milling" .... and that includes places like cinema foyers, theatre foyers, football matches etc
I can relate to that in a way. I suffered with something that sounds similar in some aspects - mine was more PTSD, I suspect, following a fire at home. Without going into detail, it made life very difficult - claustrophobia, fear of flying, fear of crowds or even groups of people etc, anything to do with not being able to have that element of control.
I'm not suggesting that it's the same by any means, but I recognise some of the triggers - CBT, and learning about the condition, helped massively, and I did a lot of things by myself, so as to not have the 'responsibility' of other people being with me in case something terrible happened. I still dislike flying, but did a few hops from Manchester to Glasgow to get used to the take-off and landing sensations. I went to matches by myself, to get used to the environment again. I'd drive for hours by myself, because having a panic attack in the outside lane of the M6 with family in the car is truly terrifying. Holding on to shelves in shops, or leaning against things just to give a reference point and to stop myself falling over - it's not nice and it was a real strain to actually go out of the house sometimes.
It's almost completely better now, although flying can bring elements of it on, unless I'm by myself, which is odd, I suppose. AN ideal game to attend (with my past condition) would have been Tuesday's game, where the crowd was pretty sparse, the parking wasn't too bad, and there were no queues to get in. I really do wish you well with this - as I say, I have no idea whether it's related, but I recognise some of the symptoms and they're pretty bloody awful
I could feel the emotion you were feeling when writing that out
Whilst i'm not embarrassed by discussing my symptoms it is probably noticeable that i don't ever mention HOW this was brought on. But i can empathise regarding the PTSD.
For me, self-development and self-repair has never been a continuous line - i set stage targets, get to that stage and then take my time getting used to being at that stage before then moving on (attempting to move on) to the next stage. That way if i fail i only fall back to the last stage i had established myself at, and no further. Sometimes it takes a long time to get used to a stage/point i have reached and i need (to ensure long term advancement) to make those achievements become second nature.
Previously i tried to get things right too fast and fell all the way back.
Turning to yourself though .... bloody well done on how far you've managed to advance yourself - and you should feel proud of your achievement/recovery .... many many people don't achieve it, disappear from view and are never able to rejoin society or lead a "normal life" again. Seriously .... well done.
