SHA Small Heath Alliance

Bluesince62

To be serious for a moment, it really is something I suffered with and still do to a lesser extent now, also manifests itself in being shy around new people and just a general awkwardness around folk. Of course it was just called a lack of confidence before, or being a loner or miserable or whatever, but it comes down to the same thing. I know it's held me back all my life, but it is what it is.

I can sympathise with that as a fellow sufferer. In my case it resulted in several episodes of depression.

Fortunately I was able to retire early, albeit at a significant financial cost, which took away the prime trigger and since I have been OK🤞

Dirty Bertie

Bluesince62

To be serious for a moment, it really is something I suffered with and still do to a lesser extent now, also manifests itself in being shy around new people and just a general awkwardness around folk. Of course it was just called a lack of confidence before, or being a loner or miserable or whatever, but it comes down to the same thing. I know it's held me back all my life, but it is what it is.

I can sympathise with that as a fellow sufferer. In my case it resulted in several episodes of depression.

Fortunately I was able to retire early, albeit at a significant financial cost, which took away the prime trigger and since I have been OK🤞

Imposter syndrome sucks and you both have my sympathies.

Dirty Bertie

Bluesince62

To be serious for a moment, it really is something I suffered with and still do to a lesser extent now, also manifests itself in being shy around new people and just a general awkwardness around folk. Of course it was just called a lack of confidence before, or being a loner or miserable or whatever, but it comes down to the same thing. I know it's held me back all my life, but it is what it is.

I can sympathise with that as a fellow sufferer. In my case it resulted in several episodes of depression.

Fortunately I was able to retire early, albeit at a significant financial cost, which took away the prime trigger and since I have been OK🤞

I'm glad things have improved for you and I'm fairly sure it will for me as well. I've got 3.5 years to do. Can't wait tbh as I think I'll be like you, having to deal with people on a daily basis I don't particularly like isn't great, nor the pressure working in production. If I can cut that 3.5 years down I will, I might have to the way I feel, tbf.

Dirty Bertie

Bluesince62

To be serious for a moment, it really is something I suffered with and still do to a lesser extent now, also manifests itself in being shy around new people and just a general awkwardness around folk. Of course it was just called a lack of confidence before, or being a loner or miserable or whatever, but it comes down to the same thing. I know it's held me back all my life, but it is what it is.

I can sympathise with that as a fellow sufferer. In my case it resulted in several episodes of depression.

Fortunately I was able to retire early, albeit at a significant financial cost, which took away the prime trigger and since I have been OK🤞

Imposter syndrome sucks and you both have my sympathies.

<< edit >> ... changed my mind about what i was going to post

Good luck to you as well Rags. I recognise a lot of that from my own life, though I would never say working in factories for 35 years was successful, I've always taken the easy option, the one that involves dealing with others as little as possible, never pushed myself to do 'better' or get anywhere near my limits. Always thought it was lack of ambition, think now it was more a fear of success, if that makes any sense? Anyway, at least there is light at the end of the tunnel personally!

Edit - just seen your edit, fair play, not an easy thing to talk about.

Good luck to you as well Rags. I recognise a lot of that from my own life, though I would never say working in factories for 35 years was successful, I've always taken the easy option, the one that involves dealing with others as little as possible, never pushed myself to do 'better' or get anywhere near my limits. Always thought it was lack of ambition, think now it was more a fear of success, if that makes any sense? Anyway, at least there is light at the end of the tunnel personally!

Edit - just seen your edit, fair play, not an easy thing to talk about.

"Society" concentrates a lot on on "fear of failure" but seldom mentions "fear of success"

[www.verywellmind.com]

[www.mindtools.com]

Although i've linked to specific articles both of those sites can help offer understanding

Struggled with it for most of my adult life.

Becoming a father made me a lot more grateful for what I've got.

El Mayor

Dirty Bertie

Bluesince62

To be serious for a moment, it really is something I suffered with and still do to a lesser extent now, also manifests itself in being shy around new people and just a general awkwardness around folk. Of course it was just called a lack of confidence before, or being a loner or miserable or whatever, but it comes down to the same thing. I know it's held me back all my life, but it is what it is.

I can sympathise with that as a fellow sufferer. In my case it resulted in several episodes of depression.

Fortunately I was able to retire early, albeit at a significant financial cost, which took away the prime trigger and since I have been OK🤞

Imposter syndrome sucks and you both have my sympathies.

This. Best wishes from me and respect for mentioning it on here.
Same goes to Rags, Miamivice and anyone else on here too

👍

Miamivice

Struggled with it for most of my adult life.

Becoming a father made me a lot more grateful for what I've got.

It's strange how even sufferers of the same complaint react differently to the same life events.

I was nearly 34 when our first was born and 35 when the second arrived.

The responsibilities of parenthood accentuated my complaint as inside I was convinced I wasn't up to it.

Still it's all worked out alright in the end.

Dirty Bertie

The responsibilities of parenthood accentuated my complaint as inside I was convinced I wasn't up to it.

I'd be surprised if pretty much everyone doesn't feel like that to a greater or lesser degree.

You find out you're going to be a dad (and perhaps women feel the same about being a mum) and it's great. then the fear sets in, it's a massive responsibility and it can weigh heavy.

I had a lot of weird feelings around becoming a father, including feelings of losing my "self". Nobody seemed interested in me anymore, it was all about the baby. I soon got over it though and I wouldn't say it was a mental health issue - just awareness of a change in your status in the scheme of things, but I reckon those feelings are natural.

Spike

I'd be surprised if pretty much everyone doesn't feel like that to a greater or lesser degree.

You find out you're going to be a dad (and perhaps women feel the same about being a mum) and it's great. then the fear sets in, it's a massive responsibility and it can weigh heavy.

I had a lot of weird feelings around becoming a father, including feelings of losing my "self". Nobody seemed interested in me anymore, it was all about the baby. I soon got over it though and I wouldn't say it was a mental health issue - just awareness of a change in your status in the scheme of things, but I reckon those feelings are natural.

I'd agree with this.
Very well articulated 👍

Spike

Dirty Bertie

The responsibilities of parenthood accentuated my complaint as inside I was convinced I wasn't up to it.

I'd be surprised if pretty much everyone doesn't feel like that to a greater or lesser degree.

You find out you're going to be a dad (and perhaps women feel the same about being a mum) and it's great. then the fear sets in, it's a massive responsibility and it can weigh heavy.

I had a lot of weird feelings around becoming a father, including feelings of losing my "self". Nobody seemed interested in me anymore, it was all about the baby. I soon got over it though and I wouldn't say it was a mental health issue - just awareness of a change in your status in the scheme of things, but I reckon those feelings are natural.

I clearly said that this was only one issue and my response to parenthood, which extended long after the initial period, was different to another poster

But thanks anyway for your patronising diagnosis.

Yep, I was 38.

Concentrating on being a good Dad took away a lot of the other pressures I felt- average career, never felt like fitting in and to also make sure I don't pass on any of my shite traits to her.

Thankfully she's inherited her mothers brains!

Just need to keep talking- good to hear your point of view - as always SHA has some genuinely good people that are willing to listen.

Dirty Bertie

I clearly said that this was only one issue and my response to parenthood, which extended long after the initial period, was different to another poster

But thanks anyway for your patronising diagnosis.

Wow.

I wasn't attempting to be patronising in the slightest, I reckon I would be the last person to do that.

But I'm sorry you took it that way.